Merry christmas everyone

There is a new poker show that comes on GSN (game show network), and it is another poker program that is horrible. Its called "battle of the ages", to go along with the theme of "battle of the sexes". The poker isn't bad but the coverage is horrible.

Poker on TV is everywhere. I use Tivo to tape all poker related shows and there are 10 shows that are new each week. The WSOP is running on ESPN and has been all month. Poker Superstars Invitational is on Fox, World Poker Tour is on Bravo, and so on...

I'll try to get to the blog more this weekend, more likely monday (the end of my weekend)

Rove is a lucky bastard, can you imagine the head he gave?

"It is what it is"....Why has this fucking phrase become so popular? I hate it, and I will begin to rid the world from the use of this phrase...hopefully...


That last part really pisses you off huh deb?

More on the kidney stone this weekend, if i am not buzy with family coming into town. My first cousin, his wife and child will be in phoenix over the weekend. Its not so bad, i was really not looking forward to the visit last time and it turned out well.

This will be long. This will be gross. This is your chance to leave.

Wednesday evening I come home from work and make my usual pit stop at the restroom while getting out of my work clothes. I'm a pattern, just a big pattern that does not like to change. I get up, go to the bathroom, smoke a cig, drink a soda, get on the computer, smoke more, shower, get dressed, then off to work. My pattern doesn't stop there, but thats boring enough. I usally urinate 2-3 times a day. I know that is not healthy and will make some adjustments. I don't go to the bathroom at work. Since June I have did #1 at work 3 times and number 2..NEVER. Well Wednesday was no different and I really have to go when I get home, and this time my urine has blood in it. So I call mom over, she takes a look down the toilet to confirm I have something wrong with me and need someone to take a look. I get up the next morning and have a little blood in my urine, but not near as much as the night before. I think I "know" what is coming. It seems like round 3 of kidney stones. Rounds one was pretty bad, passed it while taking an MRI in Conway, Arkansas. Actually it was moving during the MRI, not passing, I think pissing during the MRI is one of the many things you cant 'do' during the MRI. Breathing, moving, talking, keeping your eyes open are a few others. I did pass this one though and it was painful. The second one I went to the doctor only later, and it hurt pretty bad as well.

When passing a kidney stone, the pain comes from the stone moving down through the urinary track. Some would think it is the stone coming out the head of the penis, but thats a cakewalk. Back to the action.

I am coming back from lunch on Thursday night, and I fell some pain in my side, and I feel like i have to pee. I go to the urinal, reluctantly, and piss a fierce amount of blood into the urinal. This time it hurts, and this time I am positive of whats about to happen. I go to the boss, let him know of my problem, and he sends me on my way. St. Josephs hospital is down the road from UHI (uhaul headquarters international). I swing through St. Joes only to find a real parking crunch. I am still not in bad shape so I drive on home. I get home and my parents further convince me to get medical help with this one. I thought about passing it on my own, thank god i didn't. So its off to Baptist Hospital, funny all these hospitals are religious based. More later....

Sunday was the first annual Pokerstars Blogger Championship. Entry was free, and there were $25,000 in prizes. 99th-35th place would get hats and tshirts from Pokerstars, 35-18th place would receive ipod nanos, 17th-8th would get xbox 360, 7th-2nd would get 24' flat screen computer monitors, and first a 12k prize package including a World Poker Tour Tournamnet entry (10k value).

The tournament started with 1437 entries. The first hour went off without a hitch, and I knew I was in great shape. First hour I doubled up twice giving me some 11k in chips. I was stealing a good amount early for our table was so inactive. If I had position and nobody raised, then I raised, stayed out of big pots, and had good reads on my table. During the 2nd hour, I played AQ of hearts from the cutoff. I raised 3x the big blind which was 75-150. I get two callers the big blind and a limper. The flop comes out A 8 3 with two hearts. I have top pair, and nut flush draw. It checks around to me and I make a bet of half the pot about $700. The big blind folds and our limper flat calls. Turn comes the J of spades. It checks to me and I bet the pot $2700. He goes all in for 4k. Easy call for me and he turns up a8, i miss and he takes a big pot when the river doesn't cooperate.

I stay pretty calm and take a few pots soon after and I get AK in late position. I raise 3x the big blind and make it $600 total. The big blind comes over the top for the minimum raise. It folds around to me, and I had seen him do this with a very small pair earlier. I had made the assumption that he wasn't aware that people actually were paying attention. I thought he had 5's or 6's and didnt want a call or a flop. I called and we see a flop of j t 3. He bets and i smooth call a very small bet. The turn card is a K, we both check. The river is another J and I bet 1800, thinking i have the best hand. He calls, and turns up 99. my read was pretty good and i won a nice pot.

The tournament payout being what it was, I wanted an Ipod more than an xbox. So I make the cutoff to the Ipods and bust out in 29th place. Not bad for 1437 entries. More on the details later.

http://losangeles.dodgers.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20051021&content_id=1256314&vkey=news_la&fext=.jsp&c_id=la

now half way down this article is an add for Viagra. Now I am a Mark Martin fan but other than that these commericals and adds are just to much.

The new slogan at Viagra is "Play Hard". Play Hard? Are you fucking serious. Don't beat around the bush or anything, just come right out and say it. On a similar note, a commercial for different erectile disfunction is a man throwing a football through a tire. His wife adores nearby. I mean come on, the football through the tire? Seriously in regards to not being able to throw the "football" through the "tire", take Levitra. Unreal.

http://weather.yahoo.com/forecast/USAZ0166_f.html

Its awesome!!! It rained today and was actually a little chilly

God love em. Most of us has realized to get laid and maintain any kind of relationship, we must behave ourselves. Don't be fooled, for the most part we are total shits!!

So this guy as I am leaving after verbally abusing the cashier, says to me "can I ask you a question?" Which is normally followed by a request for money. Not this time, he says to me "how is it that everyone knows who I am?" I say to him, "hey man I dont know you". He replies with "ok since I got off the meth, it seems like everyone knows who I am." Now nothing about this guy or this conversation would suggest that he has gotten off anything. I am feeling a little guilty about the verbal assault though, so I am trying to help him. I go into this long speech about drug use, and I feel like there is no shame in being an addict. I go on to tell him the only way to kick the habit is to get professional help. The whole time I am talking to him, he cant keep still, can't keep his eyeballs from jumping around from side to side (like the boogeyman was behind the corner). I then tell him that I'd gladly call an ambulance for him, or the cops, or someone if he would go to the emergency room. I figured this was his best option, and surely if he wanted some help they would send him in the right direction. He says "no man I have gotten off drugs". I respond with a reassuring "super then, the battle is half over". Then tell him I must go home now, and take care. He then says "one more thing before you go, how is it that everyone knows who I am?" I have now stop trying to help him, and am trying to help myself from laughing my ass off. I say back at him "dude I don't know you, so not everyone does" He looks at me with a straight face and says "sure you dont". He said so confidently that I couldn't say anything in return. I just left. I did get in my truck and replayed this event in my head, and couldn't help from laughing out loud.

So last night they have the door open at Circle K. The great thing about Arizona this time of year is the weather, and you can open the doors/windows with no hint of bugs. No bugs in AZ, thats a plus.

So the reasons behind not going to the Circle K right across the street. First of all its at 19th ave and Dunlap, and I live right across the street. So its convenient to say the least. Its usally not as clean as the one at 19th ave and Northern, which is the next cross street South. There are normally a few homeless people at the one at Dunlap outside at midnight or later. I'm a little conflicted with this one. I feel horrible about homelessness and its a problem that our government doesn't take seriously. There is no money in finding a solution for homelessness. War, health care, disease, Education, there is money in it, therefore scumbags in DC work tirelessly (and still fuck it up). I still don't like being confronted by people who beg. Depending on my mood, they will get a very different response. I may give some change, knowing full well that they will be getting booz. I may give nothing not even a response.

A few weeks ago, I make a trip over to the Circle K to get a pack of cigs and I get carded. I am insulted and furious. First I explain to Mikey (the nitwit working the counter) that if I were too young to buy cigarettes I would have to be 17 years old. No resonable person would think I could be 17 years old. So I go back home, get my ID, and head back to Circle K. I have 3 minutes or so to choreograph a response to Mikey. I decide to slam the ID on the counter, and tell him that he is so stupid that he will never do anything other than work at the Circle K. He is scared to death and is shaking and i dont give a shit. I have laid into him for good reason I thought. Before I can even get outside I start to feel bad. Why do I have to act like that? When am I going to grow up?

Now going back 5 minutes. When I pull up there is a young guys standing in front of the store. I was thankful he didn't say anything to me for he was enriched in a conversation with someone else. He is a young, good looking guy though. What happens next is both funny and tragic...and i gotta go to work so you'll have to wait..

I just got back from running to the gas station at 11:30pm AZ time. I go to the store that is a block from my house because its cleaner and the people are a little more competent. There is one just across the street, but I try to avoid that since my run into the guy out front looking crazy. This is another story for another time but ill give a little teaser. The guy says "why is it that everyone knows who I am?

So I go up the road and get some cigs. I walk in and there are two workers inside. One is a guy I see working all the time, but he has been cleaning the floors. He wasn't behind the counter so that leaves Lisa to run things solo. Lisa and Matt (the other guy) are having a conversation about the air conditioning being set at the same temp as it is in the middle of August. They cant change the temperature and have the door open. I could here my mother saying "you trying to cool the whole neighborhood?"

Listening to these two talk, I notice that Lisa has a really deep voice. Then as i walk up to the counter I realize that Lisa is (or was) a man. I was a little shocked to say the least. First of all, I haven't spoke to a transsexual outside of at a club in Little Rock that young people frequent. I haven't had enough encounters with transsexuals to not be shocked. I say "I need a carton of Marlboro Lights in a box". She replies "A carton of Marlboro Lights in a box?" I say....<--------dots so you can guess here..........

"Yes sir" I say. Oh boy now don't I feel like shit. So she swipes my debit card and she says "when it prompts you, enter your pin number". I instantly enter my pin number, and it beeps. I hadn't been prompted yet, so I then say "It sure would help if I would listen". Trying to be friendly since I have most certainly offended her. I complete my transaction and we exchange good byes and I leave.

I felt like shit, what an insensitive thing to say. She has breast, straight long hair, and is obviously making an attempt to be a woman. The hairy, long fingers don't help this attempt.

This is a topic that has been tossed around by myself and a few friends. For the most part "single and lonely" has been winning out recently. However, if I am on the rag, I start to question this thinking. I am a big chicken shit really and make zero effort to establish a relationship of any substance. Being the horny young man that I am though, I still look for the opportunity to get laid. So at work on day last week, one of my 'friends' from work tells me this girl hears me talking in the breakroom. She comes up with two conclusions. One is that i have a sexy accent (this is a first). Secondly, she thinks I am 5 years younger than I really am. My 'friend' knows that I am older than she thinks, but keeps the information to himself.

A few days pass, and I make it a point to check out this girl. She is nice enough looking, seems to come to work everyday, and all in all seems to be a pretty smart person. So this afternoon, I am heading outside on break. These girl comes up and asks if I am going on break and I tell her yes. This isn't the first time we had a conversation, but I could tell my 'friend' had let her know that I was aware of what she said. So I just keep heading toward the elevator. She follows. As the door opens I say " you staying or going?" She comes with and the uncomfortable feelings start to grow. I hit the six button on the elevator, and she says "why are you going to six?" This gives me a perfect angle in which to pussy out. I'm going to smoke and you might as well tell people you are a serial rapist. She doesnt even balk at the idea though. So we go out on the roof of the parking garage (designated smoking section).

We are exchanging conversation pretty well, and the subject of kids gets brought up. I again, fire out the idea that I have a child out of wedlock. I am screaming RUN RUN!! She again doesn't even balk at it. Then we get to age, I again see a window, and tell her I am 29. Didn't even phase her.

I have now made up my mind, I will not try to run this one off. If I am just myself and she likes who I am then so be it. Then we get to her age and she says she is 25. Cool..just about perfect really. What happens next is like something out of a movie. I ask her if she has any kids. She says yea "i have 5"...then the brilliant comment from me "no fucking shit?" Neither one of us had even used the word shit around each other up to this point, or damn, or hell, or ass...nothing..

"No Fucking Shit"...I couldn't even believe it myself. She looked as if i had pulled out my dick. She was shocked. I was too..For someone who is a pretty smooth talker I really fucked that one up. Who knew just be yourself and that will scare the shit out of em

http://www.guzer.com/videos/piano_balls.php

John missed a 3 foot putt to force a 3rd playoff hole between he and tiger woods this weekend. Poor John I felt so bad for him.

Mark Martin won the cup race at Kansas this week, woooo hooo!!!!

If "D" will ever read this damn blog again, I would like her to tell the story out of Rick Riellys book. He follows JD around for a while, and she tells this story so well. It has to do with Johns member...cmon deb come through for the fans!!!!

So for the enthusiastic descriptivists out there, is it perfectly OK with you if penultimate gains a secondary meaning of "totally awesome!" Since the word is fairly uncommon it wouldn't surprise me to find it's used that way more than it's used correctly. Even if it's not let's pretend it is. So should the 2006 dictionary say:

penultimate: 1) next-to-last 2) even more ultimate than ultimate! rock on!

What I find so lame about this process is that it essentially steals the word from educated people who have taken the trouble to learn what it means and gives it to lunkheads who guess at the meaning based on superficial similarity to a word they already know. I don't understand why anyone would be keen on hastening this process. The message I hear is that no matter how ignorant people are we'll be happy to rewrite the rules for them.

I feel so sorry for the non-English-speaking world. English has become the de facto common tongue and in the U.S. we're going out of our way to complicated it with usage-based alterations because it's apparently so complicated that even native speakers can't speak it! Witness the "verbal auxiliary" definition of "of": used in place of the contraction 've often in representations of uneducated speech. Today in "representations of uneducated speech"; and tomorrow?

The Razorback football practice was delayed nearly two
hours yesterday after a player reported finding an
unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Head coach Houston Nutt immediately suspended practice
while police and federal agents were called to
investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic
experts determined the white substance, which was
unknown to the players and coaches, was the goal line.

Practice was resumed after FBI agents decided the team
was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

So we sleep all that Friday, wake up late afternoon. I took the floor that afternoon (we cut cards for it), but that would give me the bed when we got back (we would be so drunk it wouldn't matter). We head out to Bourbon street and get there about dark. The first challenge was finding a place to find a constant flow of booz. That was not a challenge after all, beer on every street corner. We all 3 started with 2 22oz cans of miller lite. It was the first time I had seen a 22oz can of beer. We got through those pretty quickly and started to have a good little vibe going on. We get some beads, which are more valuable than beer at mardi gras. I was in complete shock at how crazy it was. The first mental thought i had was "i'd never bring a woman I cared about down here". They get pinched, grabbed, talked to wrong, ect. I couldnt help myself and made my way into the Flamingo casino on the water. I was shooting craps and started chatting with this girl, who was underage as well. We left to go smoke some of her weed, which we were out of and all had made a pledge to each other to score some. She had friends, weed, and I was thinking of all the possibilities. I had gotten split up from Mark and Chauncey when i went to gamble, and was already wondering how in the hell id get back. I was pretty well drunk, and had seen all the tits I could tolerate, and this chick was going to take me to our hotel. On the way to her car, we stopped by a local alley to urinate. Now keep in mind i have my sights set on weed, and sex. We get in this alley and she just pulls her pants down and squats. I was so excited!!! We had a running joke that you could use a few things to decide if a girl put out or not:

1. Silver Jewelry-not as popular then and a sure sign they would put out
2. smokes cigs-if they smoke they fuck bottom line
3. tattoos-getting a tattoo means you fuck for sure

Now i had another. If a chick will squat and piss in front of a stranger, they put out. I know, I know, I was really young!!

While i am in the middle of a good piss, a light gets put in my face. I say "put the light up or I'll piss on you" then a man in a deep voice, and obviously black, says "your under arrest". I about had a stroke. The girl calmly pulls her pants up and walks away. She was about 10 feet from us, and he didnt spot her. I thought later i would have gotten the hell out of there to, if i were in her shoes. I got taken down to a little police station they have under a tent down in the quarter. That cost me $200 bucks, and I was now low on cash. I get a ride to the hotel, only to find Mark and Chauncey already back, and asleep. Later on that evening I hear a knock on the door, and was too drunk to get up. Chauncey answers the door, and they ask for Brian (bitch didnt get my name right). Chauncey is grumpy as hell for being woke up and shut the door in these girls face. The next morning we were all pissed that we could have gotten laid, high, ect. We go back to the quarter the next night and call it a night early for we had to get Chauncey back to work on sunday afternoon. So it was a long ride home, and Chauncey calls in sick. His boss suspends him for 3 days (more like a 3 day vacation). It was fun and i will never forget that trip.

So we have our $1000 and off to New Orleans we go!!! Mark has a 1993 pontiac grand am (white) and we are set. Here is what else we took on our trip. First a change of clothes or two (hey we knew we would win), a camera, a cell phone that you carried in a bag, and some essentials. Essentials at the time had nothing to do with deodorant, tooth paste, ect..We had the brand new Tu Pac CD and a portable cd player, some weed, cigs. So we are rolling through bum fuck arkansas, and get stopped by john q law. Lucky for us, he couldn't smell the weed that we had been smoking in the car, and we got our ticket and left. Ticket? who gives a shit!! So we drive all the way to New Orleans getting there sometime after daylight. On the way we were in heaven, weed, the brand new Tu Pac cd (which little did we know would be the best rap album of all time). Laughing the whole way. I started my full time habit of smoking cigs on that trip. I never smoked, hated really, but Chauncey and Mark smoked and I didnt want to be different. We get to New Orleans, again sometime after say 7am. Come to find out, they had not saved a room for us. Well we didnt have reservation or anything but we could find something im sure. After several hours of driving around looking, we figured out that there was no room at the inn. So we would move to plan B. Plan b was 2 parts. Part one would be to just sleep in the car. We figured if we got drunk enough it wouldnt really matter. Part one also consisted of us being so drunk that we would meet some new "friends" and stay with them at their hotel. Part two seemed to far fetched so we had really settled on part one. Part one would be find if we could just get through the day. We hadnt been to sleep, we had smoked all kinds of weed, and we were tired. So after getting really angry, so angry mark grabs his steering wheel of his car, and bent it. That boy sure was strong. So on to plan b. I have a gift for talking people into shit. This would play an important role in the plan, for it was this. I would go into a random hotel, scream and yell that I had a reservation, and they misplaced it. Yea I know we had been smoking dope all night and it sounded like a plan. So off into the Holiday inn in Gretna i go. I start yelling at the poor girl, making threats like calling the police, getting her fired, every dirty trick i could think of. So we are in our room 30 minutes later sleeping our asses off. Unreal, we laughed for days. Who knows what would happen at Mardi gras, but ill tell ya next time.

A teaser for next time "you better get that light out of my face before I piss on you" Brent Cook to a police officer...